Andelu’s Rants from Shenzhen

A lot has transpired in the five weeks since I last wrote something. The devestation of the Sichuan earthquake made us all realize how precious life can be and to value every moment we have with those that are an important part of our lives.

I had the opportunity to spend some time with family at the end of my last trip to the States in May and Pei Lin flew over to join me in celebrating a family reunion on my father’s side. It was the first time in 12 years that me, my sister and three cousins had been together. Even though we don’t keep in touch regularly we caught up like old friends do and reestablished our bond. It was also a great opporunity for Pei Lin to see just why I am the way I am…

We arrived back in Shenzhen to a week of rain before taking a long weekend to Sanya over the Dragon Boat Festival. Our departure was delayed and after what seemed like forever we finally took off and the next morning waking up and taking a walk on the beach made the delay seem like a distant memory. I realized how much I love the beach and the peaceful noise of the waves rolling in.

This past weekend was my birthday and a day of reflection. This year has been good to us and am hoping not only the next 6 months are but many, many more years.

All the thoughts I have for now…Am hoping to write more, especially since on holiday next week in the States followed by a week in the office, so some downtime to pen a little more.

About ten years ago, the Chinese government instituted three one week holidays in an effort to encourage Chinese to travel domestically and return to their hometowns to visit their families. These weeks were the Lunar New Year, May 1 or Labor Day and October 1 which is National Day. These weeks became known as “Golden Weeks”. Golden because of the money that the traveling Chinese spent and the boon to the economy these periods had not only in mainland China but increasingly throughout Asia as Chinese became able to travel easier. This year the government decided to break up the May 1 golden week into many one day holidays that would begin to reestablish traditions that had been frown upon and even outlawed during Mao’s reign.

The first weekend in Aprils was our first long holiday weekend in celebration of Qing Ming, which means clear and bright in Chinese. It is a festival to hold memorial ceremony for the dead and express one’s grief for his lost relatives. People often go to sweep and weed graves with whole family which are often in the countryside. Hence the English name, Tomb Sweeping Festival. Since Pei Lin and I weren’t able to make it back to his hometown for Chinese New Year this year we decided to return for Qing Ming and spend the weekend with his family.

It had been over a year since our last visit but the neighbors were as excited to see me as the first time I visited Pingtan. Or at least that is what I thought, actually they were excited because Pei Lin drove up and parked in front of his parent’s home. We had rented a car in Chongqing and drove home rather then take the bus and taxi route. Let me tell you, much much more comfortable!

The next day we drove further into the countryside and hiked a couple of hours to Pei Lin’s great-grandfather and grandfather’s tombs and while we didn’t do any sweeping we did give some offerings. We carried in fruit, wine, firecrackers and paper money that were ceremoniously left at each of the tombs. The paper money is burned so that the dead have money in the after life, to buy the things they need I suppose. The firecrackers are to scare away evil spirits. The fruit so they aren’t hungry and the wine to quench their thirst and have a good time. Several of the tombs were very similar to crypts found in traditional American cemeteries and several weren’t marked at all.

We woke early Friday morning and flew from Seattle to Spokane and then headed 45 minutes due east to Couer d’Alene, Idaho where many of my cousin’s have gathered for the wedding of my cousin, Karen. Arrived after the men had headed out to play golf so we checked in and went out to find them. Pei Lin has never played golf and I am a hack, so we just drove around with them for a little while and took some photos. Took a boat tour around the lake, well at least a very small portion of the lake. Some beautiful homes but just like Shenzhen the prices have skyrocketed over the last few years and are out of reach of most. Guess all the Microsoft millionaires are taking advantage of the short and cheap flights from Seattle and finding a way to spend their stock options.

Pei Lin had fun driving the golf cart. Was worried he was going to crash the not so cheap cart but somehow we managed to not wind up in the lake. He is going to take driving licenses and get his driver’s license when we get back to Shenzhen. Not sure I will be driving with him anytime soon though based on our experience yesterday!

I had lunch with some of my family and sat in the resort’s lobby and just chatted while Pei Lin took a rest. After awhile I joined him and had an awesome nap before dinner.

Since the occasion for us being here was my cousin’s wedding we were invited to attend the rehearsal dinner. There were 46 of us eating at a great Italian restaurant. I was glad I had met most of Mike’s (Karen’s soon to be husband) family in November. Everyone was so excited to meet and welcome Pei Lin to the USA. I hope he felt as welcomed as I did during our visit over Chinese New Year to his hometown. Had a great evening and was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Last week when Pei Lin’s mom called she told him, that almost 6 weeks after our visit to his hometown, we were still the talk of the village. It is hard to believe these people have nothing else to talk about then me!!

When we were there we taught his parents and some of their neighbors how to play Uno and then left the deck we brought with us. Every afternoon after lunch the neighbors congregate at Pei Lin’s dad’s place and play mahjong. These days when they arrive they announce they want to play Uno! I am sure they have figured out a way to bet on the game and look forward to learning some new local rules on our next visit.

We picked up a couple of more decks over the weekend while in Hong Kong and will be sending them to his dad and neighbors.

The Spring Festival falls on the 1st day of the 1st lunar month, usually about a month or so later than the Gregorian calendar. It originated in the Shang Dynasty (c. 1600 BC-c. 1100 BC) from the people’s sacrifice to gods and ancestors at the end of an old year and the beginning of a new one. This is the most important holiday and part of the year for Chinese and is very similar to Christmas in the west. Since Shenzhen is a city made of immigrants from all over China, the city experiences a mass exodus starting about a week before New Year’s Day.

We joined that exodus after work on Friday, Feb 16 when we flew to Chengdu. Early Saturday morning we traveled to Pei Lin’s hometown to spend the first few days of the festival with his family. This time I didn’t experience any of the anxiousness or being nervous I felt in December when I made the trip for the first time. Just pure excitement about experiencing my first traditional spring festival in China.

Like many family gatherings in the US over our traditional holiday period between Thanksgiving and Christmas, the days were full of visiting with relatives and friends, gossiping and catching up, playing games, watching tv and just spending quality time with loved ones.

The dinner on New Year’s Eve is when all family members eat dinner together. The meal is usually more elaborate than usual. Dishes such as chicken, fish and bean curd are prominent because in Chinese, their pronunciations, respectively “ji“, “yu” and “doufu,” mean auspiciousness, abundance and richness. There were about 20 or so people for dinner at Pei Lin’s parents, some of whom I met in December and others for the first time. I understood a little of what was being discussed, but not everything as I would find out later.

Later that night, Pei Lin told me that over dinner his father, much to Pei Lin’s embarrassment and thankfully my “deafness”, explained to everyone that we were such good friends that during our last visit we slept together in a small twin bed. Before we arrived this time his parents had offered to buy a bigger bed for us so we could sleep together. But we had decided it would be a waste of money since it would only be used when we visited and that would only be a few time a year. So this time we were also sleeping very close together. Pei Lin was too shocked at his father’s sharing of our sleeping arrangements that he didn’t recall everyone’s reaction. I am just glad that I didn’t understand what was being discussed!

As midnight and the new year approached people were out on the streets setting off fireworks of all sizes and loudness and the neighbors began laying out these 10, 20, 50 and 100 foot rolls of firecrackers that stretched from their front doors out to the middle of the street. I could see what was coming but actually standing in the middle of it was as close to war as I hope I ever come. The sound was deafening and the smoke so thick you could almost touch it. This lasted for a good 15 or 20 minutes. I took some video of the firecrackers but when replayed later couldn’t see anything and could only hear the tens of thousands of firecrackers going off. It was incredible and since I am a big kid was just loving it.

There is actually a purpose in the firecrackers, it is thought the spluttering sound could help drive away evil spirits, which are meant to bid farewell to the old year and usher in the new. Apparently new year’s eve is only bidding farewell to the old because early new year’s day the fireworks started again which must have been ushering in the new. Since most big cities have banned fireworks ,the beautiful red firecracker handicrafts that are for sale in the days leading up to the new year have become a popular way to signify driving the evil spirits away.

We spent the next two days visiting with some of Pei Lin’s cousins and primary school classmates. A good part of the day was spent playing games, mostly cards. We brought the card game Uno with us and taught the neighborhood how to play; played various Chinese card games, the one where I promptly lost 5 dollars I thought it best to watch; and we modified the card game “spoons” to reflect the local culture by using chopsticks, which was a huge hit with kids of all ages.

There were so many new experiences, realizations of what certain symbols and customs mean, meeting new friends and family members and expressions of kindness that made the trip great. But my favorite memory is when Pei Lin told me that it seemed like we had gotten married because we were going everywhere as a couple to meet this friend, or that cousin, or that uncle. While being gay is not easy in any country, it is undoubtedly harder culturally in China then in the US to come out and live an openly gay life. People aren’t stupid and while we didn’t come out by saying specific words, I was accepted as a son, a brother and Pei Lin’s partner last week and it was an incredible experience.

Before we wanted to go it was time to leave. After my first visit in December, I thought 4 days in Pingtan over the Spring Festival would give me the chance to experience a real, traditional Chinese Spring Festival celebration and not be “too much” for me. Well it was too much of a good time and my only regret was I didn’t think I would be able to or comfortable enough to spend a week in a traditional setting. Not sure how or when but I would love to spend a month in Pingtan helping Pei Lin’s dad run his video rental store and experience normal daily life.